Eleanor 34

INT. ROOM. AFTERNOON.

Eleanor sits on a couch. There is a window behind her that looks out on trees; the sky is blue between the trees. She looks happy.

ELEANOR

I started this vlog for in case I died. I wanted there to be some evidence that I existed, something beyond a birth certificate and a death certificate and the quickly fading memory of me in the minds of my step-mother and step-sisters and Lumi.

I’m still alive.

Eleanor laughs.

ELEANOR

I was in a lose-lose situation, and I won. Maybe it wasn’t exactly the way I wanted, or planned. Maybe it was because I married out, because I was the girl who needed the guy, but you know what, I don’t care. Because I’d rather be a stereotype than dead any day of the week.

And maybe… maybe he needs me too. Not the way I need him, not to get out, not to still be alive. But somehow, some way, he needs me. I wouldn’t be where I am if he didn’t.

I love him. Maybe it’s silly, and you’re all thinking, how can you love him already? You barely know him. But I’ve seen things that you haven’t, and I know myself. I love him.

Some of you probably think I’m doing this for the money, or to get out, and you think I’m being selfish. Maybe I am. But isn’t that what love is? You know that you have the power to hurt someone else, to use them and abuse them, and you stay with them anyway, because you want them. So maybe I’m selfish, and maybe I’m bad for what I’m doing, but I don’t care.

But the point of this isn’t to defend myself.

Now, I have something to show you.

Montage going through a park.

ELEANOR

(V.O.)

This is goodbye, I guess. It was nice while it lasted, and I’ll be honest: I think you saved my life. You, my silent, invisible viewers, because you gave me a reason to come back, week after week, and say something. Because I was running out of reasons.

My last goodbye, though, has to be to someone else. Lumi. Lumi, I–without you, I would have died a thousand deaths, and then I would have killed myself, and there would be nothing left of me. I know you believe in heaven, or that you want to, so…nobody deserves it more than you.

My name is Eleanor Gray, and… goodbye.

Eleanor 33

INT. ELEANOR’S BEDROOM. AFTERNOON.

Eleanor sits in front of the camera. There is a chair jammed under the doorknob.

ELEANOR

This being filmed two days before I’m posting it, because…well, because, for once, this was on a deadline.

I haven’t left my room in about 24 hours. Not because I’m trying to hide from a guest, for once–I’m trying to not be killed by my step-mother. And if you think I’m kidding, you’re haven’t been paying attention.

Akihiko will be here in a couple of minutes. It’s going to be the only time I open this door today, and hopefully, I’ll never have to do it again.

There is a knock on the door. She stiffens.

ELEANOR

Who is it?

AKIHIKO

It’s me. You wanted me to come over?

ELEANOR

Yeah. Sorry, one sec.

She hurries over and moves the chair, then opens the door just enough for Akihiko to enter. Then she closes it behind her, sliding the chair back in place.

ELEANOR

Hi. Sorry.

She tilts her head up and kisses him.

AKIHIKO

Are you apologizing for anything in particular, or is that just the way you’re going to greet me from now on?

ELEANOR

Sorry.

AKIHIKO

Hi to you too. What’s up?

ELEANOR

I have an answer for you.

AKIHIKO

Should I be sitting for this?

ELEANOR

If you want.

He walks over and sits in front of the camera. She joins him, sitting down next to him.

AKIHIKO

So…I’m ready.

ELEANOR

Yes.

Beat.

AKIHIKO

Was that a “yes, he is ready” or a…

ELEANOR

That was a “yes, I will marry you.”

A smile spreads across his face, and then he kisses her. Her shoulders stiffen, and then she relaxes.

After a second, she pulls away.

ELEANOR

There is just one caveat.

AKIHIKO

Yes?

ELEANOR

I need to get out of here now.

He grins at her.

AKIHIKO

My pleasure.

He lifts her up, and she shrieks, then grins at him.

ELEANOR

My prince.

AKIHIKO

I can still drop you.

She sticks her tongue out at him, then reaches over and turns off the camera.

Eleanor 32

INT. ELEANOR’S BEDROOM. AFTERNOON.

Eleanor sits in front of the camera with a black eye. She moves gingerly.

ELEANOR

Relia’s pissed.

She shifts and winces.

ELEANOR

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. I mean, honestly, I’m not, but Jesus, this hurts. I think they managed to crack a rib. Again. Ow.

So you’re probably wondering what my answer is.

She sighs.

ELEANOR

Honestly, so am I. I mean, I know what you’re thinking, I should just say yes. He’s hot and smart and rich and nice and hasn’t broken any of my ribs. And he wants me to marry him.

But here’s the thing: I can’t start something if it’s going to end, and I have no way of knowing it’s not going to. Because when I say it’ll kill me, I’m not kidding. I won’t have anywhere to go except maybe back to the…well, back here. And if I leave and try to come back, they’ll kill me, no question about it. I’ll slip down the stairs, I’ll hit my head, something will happen, and I’ll be buried in that plot next to my father. If I stay, I’ll last a few more years, at least.

But college. I mean, assuming he’s telling the truth, and I’m pretty sure he is–college. I haven’t dreamed about college in years. I mean, not as anything more than an actual head-on-the-pillow dream.

And, I mean, seriously, he’s gorgeous.

The door opens and Relia storms in. Eleanor spins to look at her.

RELIA

I knew it. I knew you were still filming, you little bitch.

ELEANOR

What do you think you’re going to do to me that you haven’t already done? Your threats are wearing thin, Relia.

Relia grabs the back of Eleanor’s head, holding tight, and Eleanor flinches.

RELIA

Don’t talk to me like that.

ELEANOR

Relia–

Relia jerks Eleanor’s head to force her to look at her.

RELIA

Don’t you dare talk to me like that. You are nothing. Just the bitch we let live here because my Mother thought your Daddy was cute enough to fuck a few times.

ELEANOR

Don’t talk about my father like that.

RELIA

What are you going to do about it?

Eleanor turns and shoves Relia, pushing so hard that she releases her head and stumbles back.

RELIA

What the fuck are you doing?

ELEANOR

Get the fuck out of my room, and don’t let me hear you talking about my father like that again.

RELIA

You’re going to regret this.

Eleanor shoves her again.

ELEANOR

Get. The fuck. Out.

Relia storms out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Eleanor stares at the door for a second, then sits back down, shaking.

ELEANOR

Holy shit. Holy shit, that was a bad idea. They’re going to kill me.

She laughs a little hysterically.

ELEANOR

They’re actually going to kill me.

Eleanor 31

INT. ELEANOR’S BEDROOM. EVENING.

Eleanor smiles at the camera.

ELEANOR

So apparently I freaked out so much I never actually posted this. Which is unfortunate, because this is…good. It’s actually good. I think it’s good. I think it’s–I’m not going to keep talking about it. You decide.

CUT TO:

INT. ELEANOR’S BEDROOM. AFTERNOON.

Eleanor sits in front of the camera, looking excited.

ELEANOR

He’s going to be here soon. And by “he”, I mean the only guy who ever shows up here. And by that I mean Akihiko. Who is fucking adorable.

Beat.

ELEANOR

Sorry. Language. Shouldn’t use that language.

But anyway, he’s going to come over soon, which means I’m going to get to see him soon. Which is exciting.

There is a knock at the door. She jumps up and turns to face the door.

ELEANOR

Yeah?

RELIA

(O.S.)

You’re a fucking bitch, and Mother isn’t going to let you get away with this.

Eleanor flinches, deflating a bit.

ELEANOR

I’m not–I’m not trying to get away with anything.

RELIA

(O.S.)

Whatever. There’s laundry to fold.

ELEANOR

I have something do.

There is a thump outside the door.

RELIA

I even stuck it all in the basket because apparently you’re too good to do that now. Fold it. Now. Or I’ll tell Mother you’re talking to yourself again.

Beat.

ELEANOR

Okay. I’ll be right out.

RELIA

Good.

Footsteps head away. She goes over to the door, opens it, and brings in the laundry basket. She closes the door and heads back to her seat to start folding laundry.

CUT TO:

INT. ELEANOR’S BEDROOM. LATER.

Eleanor is folding laundry. There is a knock at the door.

ELEANOR

(Shouting)

I’m almost done.

Beat.

AKIHIKO

I can come back later if you want.

ELEANOR

No, wait.

She puts the laundry down and jumps up, heading over to the door. She pulls the door open to look at him.

ELEANOR

Hi. Sorry. I didn’t mean to–I thought you were someone else.

AKIHIKO

Are you working on something? I really can come back later if you want.

ELEANOR

No, no, come in.

She steps back to let him in.

ELEANOR

Now that I’m not keeping you in the doorway. Sorry.

AKIHIKO

You can stop apologizing.

They walk into the room. She looks at the laundry and cringes.

ELEANOR

Sorry. I–I’ll move it. Sorry. Just give me a sec.

He looks over at her and smiles.

AKIHIKO

Stop apologizing. Really. It’s all fine.

She tries to hurry over to deal with the laundry, but he stops her by tangling his fingers with hers. She turns to look at him.

ELEANOR

Is something up?

AKIHIKO

I just want you to calm down. Breathe.

She sucks in a deep breath, then lets it out.

ELEANOR

I’m breathing.

He smiles indulgently.

AKIHIKO

I know you are. It’ll be good if you keep doing it. Though what’s with the laundry?

ELEANOR

I’m folding it.

AKIHIKO

Ah. Mind if I kiss you?

ELEANOR

Go for it.

He leans down and kisses her once, briefly.

ELEANOR

I’m not going to break.

AKIHIKO

I would like you to keep breathing, so sometimes I’m going to kiss you like you might break.

He reaches out and touches her cheek. She only flinches slightly. He smiles down at her. She smiles back up at him.

Beat. She looks away, clearing her throat.

ELEANOR

So. Anyway. You sounded pretty serious when you said you wanted to come over.

AKIHIKO

Oh. Yeah.

He steps away from her.

AKIHIKO

You want to sit?

ELEANOR

Why?

AKIHIKO

We don’t have to sit.

ELEANOR

Sorry, I didn’t mean to–um, did you have something you wanted to tell me?

AKIHIKO

Yeah.

He walks over with her to the chairs, where she picks up the folded laundry and moves it out of the way. They sit. He looks suddenly serious.

AKIHIKO

So…I have something to ask.

ELEANOR

Yeah?

AKIHIKO

I know it hasn’t been long, but…

He moves his chair so he can kneel down next to her. He pulls out a ring box and opens it, offering the ring to her.

AKIHIKO

I love you. Will you marry me?

Beat. She blinks at him.

ELEANOR

Fuck.

He stares up at her.

AKIHIKO

Was that a fuck yes or a fuck no?

She scrubs her face with her hand.

ELEANOR

Oh, fuck, I don’t know. I don’t–I’m not a good choice.

He looks away.

AKIHIKO

Is this supposed to be an “it’s-not-you-it’s-me”? Because it’s not making me feel any better, if that’s the point.

Eleanor looks miserable.

ELEANOR

Look, Akihiko, I’m a fucking mess. I don’t want you to end up married to me only to realize in six months or a year that you don’t want to be stuck with me.

He gets back up on his chair, putting the ring down.

AKIHIKO

Because your family abuses you?

Eleanor flinches, looking down.

AKIHIKO

Kuso. Gomen. That was insensitive. But I’m not going to hurt you.

ELEANOR

I don’t think you are. I just–I’m sorry.

AKIHIKO

If you said yes, we wouldn’t need to get married immediately. It could be in a couple of years–however long you want. But I love you, Eleanor, and I don’t want you to keep having to live with people who are hurting you.

ELEANOR

And what about when you change your mind? It’s not like I would be able to come back here.

AKIHIKO

Here’s a deal–I pay for you to go to college. If we break up, you can pay me back as you’re able. If we get married, well, then, what’s mine is yours. I have more than enough money for it. Believe me.

She stares at him.

ELEANOR

I need to–I need to think about it.

He nods.

AKIHIKO

I understand. Can you just do one thing for me?

ELEANOR

Yeah.

AKIHIKO

Wear the ring.

ELEANOR

Akihiko–

AKIHIKO

Please just wear the ring. At least until you make a decision. And if you decide not to, you can give it back.

ELEANOR

Yeah. Sure. Okay.

He takes out the ring and slides it onto her finger. She leans over and kisses him.

Eleanor 29

INT. ELEANOR’S BEDROOM. AFTERNOON.

Eleanor looks like she’s been crying. She’s dressed in black.

ELEANOR

Lumi’s dead.

She sucks in a deep breath.

ELEANOR

Sorry. I’m just a little….

She scrubs her hand against her face.

ELEANOR

Her father’s holding the memorial for her in a couple of hours. I’m going to go.

Beat.

ELEANOR

It’s going to suck.

I don’t know if she’s dead. I mean, logically, there’s no way she’s not–it’s been too long. Over four weeks.

He says he wants closure, and that’s why he’s doing it, even though there isn’t a body. This isn’t closure, though. It’s not closure if there’s no proof, because she could still be…she could still be…

What am I supposed to do if she’s dead? I mean, if she’s really dead?

She takes a deep breath.

ELEANOR

I’m not ready to say goodbye. It doesn’t matter what he says, or anyone else. It doesn’t even matter if she’s–

(Voice breaking)

–dead. I’m not ready to say goodbye. But if this is the end, I’m going to be there. And God help anyone who tries to stand in my way.

Eleanor 28

INT. ELEANOR’S BEDROOM. AFTERNOON.

ELEANOR

Sometimes I really hate being a socially inept virgin. So yes, to clarify that point, I didn’t have sex with Akihiko between the last time you saw me and now. Or, I guess, before then, either, though that’s probably fairly obvious.

She sighs.

ELEANOR

He’s amazing. Like, actually amazing. And he was right, the…Jesus, whatever it was called, the meat fondue soup, it was great. And he’s nice and sweet and kind and–

She laughs self-consciously.

ELEANOR

I’ll stop. Though I am considering having sex with him.

Beat.

ELEANOR

And that was probably too much information.

Beat.

ELEANOR

Okay, I’m not really sure what to talk about. Which seems to be a problem a lot. Because I don’t want to talk about Lumi anymore, and I don’t want to keep telling you about, and it’s not like Amber or Relia are coming in to–

The door opens and Amber walks in.

AMBER

I think my mom is going to kill you.

Eleanor flinches and looks back at her.

ELEANOR

(Panicked)

What?

AMBER

What? Oh, I didn’t mean literally.

Eleanor sags.

ELEANOR

Oh. Thank God. Jesus. Why is she going to metaphorically kill me?

AMBER

Because you got the guy. Duh.

ELEANOR

Please tell me step-mother didn’t want to sleep with him, too.

AMBER

Ew. No. But Relia sure as hell did, and what Relia wants, Mother does too.

ELEANOR

What about you?

Amber sits down next to her.

AMBER

What about me?

ELEANOR

Were you interested in Akihiko?

Amber rolls her eyes.

AMBER

Okay, look, you don’t need to keep playing this game. We both know I don’t actually want to get it on with him.

ELEANOR

We–what?

AMBER

I mean, he’s cute, but he’s not really my type. Too…male.

Beat. Eleanor looks at her.

ELEANOR

What?

AMBER

What?

ELEANOR

What do you mean, he’s too male?

Amber looks confused.

AMBER

I’m not–you know I’m gay.

ELEANOR

I…didn’t know you were gay.

AMBER

Oh. Huh. I mean, Relia knows, so I kind of assumed…whatever. Yeah. I’m gay. Relia’s favorite threat on her less-nice days. I’m assuming you’re not going to tell my mother.

ELEANOR

Why would I–you have sex with men. A lot of men. Like, I do your laundry. Not that you can’t be gay and have sex with men, but…

AMBER

Well, yeah, I mean, I need to marry a guy, so I have to practice.

ELEANOR

No you don’t.

AMBER

You’re kidding, right? I’m going to have to sleep with any guy who I want to marry me.

ELEANOR

That’s not what I meant. It’s the 21st century, and gay marriage is legal. You don’t actually have to marry a guy. I mean, not that you would have to marry one anyway, but you can–you can marry a woman. If you want to.

Amber laughs.

AMBER

This is what I mean when I say you’re not really one of us. You don’t get how it works. New money, maybe you could do that. Old money, no way in hell you can get away with that.

ELEANOR

Your mother’s a bitch.

Beat. Amber bursts out laughing.

AMBER

Yes, sometimes she is. Still doesn’t mean that I can marry a woman, even if I wanted to.

ELEANOR

Look, Amber, you don’t need to spend all of your life under the thumb of your mother. She doesn’t own you.

AMBER

I could say the same to you.

Beat.

ELEANOR

Yeah.

She reaches out and turns the camera off.

Eleanor 27

INT. PARLOR ROOM. AFTERNOON.

The room is elegant and clean. In view is a couch. Eleanor paces into view in front of the couch, then out. In, then out again. Finally, she walks over and sits on the couch. Her black eye is mostly gone, and what little there is left is hidden by concealer and foundation.

ELEANOR

I–

She stands up, starts pacing again.

ELEANOR

(While pacing)

This is stupid. I shouldn’t–

She walks in front of the camera, crouching in front of it.

ELEANOR

I shouldn’t be filming down here.

She stands, starts pacing again.

ELEANOR

(While pacing)

But I need to have something to make sure I know I’m not crazy.

The doorbell rings.

ELEANOR

Oh God.

She sits down on the couch. Stands. The door opens off-screen, and she steps in front of the camera, mostly blocking it.

ELEANOR

(Shakily)

Hi.

AKIHIKO

Hi.

Beat.

ELEANOR

Do you want to sit? Or…or do you want something to drink? Or to eat? Or…uh…anything else?

AKIHIKO

(Amused)

I’m fine, thank you. Though sitting would be nice.

Eleanor steps back, sits down on the couch. Looks at the camera, then away from it. Akihiko sits down next to her.

Beat.

ELEANOR

(Nervously)

Hi.

AKIHIKO

You don’t need to be afraid of me. I’m not going to bite.

ELEANOR

Yeah, I know. I just haven’t spent a lot of time around…people recently.

AKIHIKO

You did go to a ball full of people a few weeks ago.

ELEANOR

That was an anomaly.

AKIHIKO

Well then, speaking of that, why didn’t I see you when I had dinner here?

ELEANOR

Oh, I was, uh, busy. I had a thing I needed to be at.

AKIHIKO

(Teasing)

And whatever it was was more important than meeting the new–what do they call me–prince?

ELEANOR

(Horrified)

Oh God, you heard that?

Akihiko laughs.

AKIHIKO

It’s not like your compatriots were all that subtle.  One actually called me that to my face. I thought it was meant to be a compliment at first, but after hearing it a few more times in conversation they thought I couldn’t hear, I figured it out.

ELEANOR

Oh, I’m sorry.

AKIHIKO

Oh, no worries. It’s funny, actually. My name actually–sort of–means prince.

Eleanor glances at the camera.

ELEANOR

I, ah, actually knew that.

He looks at her, surprised.

AKIHIKO

Really?

ELEANOR

Yeah. I’m trying to learn Japanese, actually. It’s not really going all that well, because it’s hard without a teacher, but I’ve learned a little bit.

AKIHIKO

Why don’t you get a teacher, if you really want to learn it?

ELEANOR

I don’t have…time.

AKIHIKO

Oh. Well I guess that makes sense. I know that, with all of my classes, it’s hard to do much outside of school.

ELEANOR

Yeah.

Pause.

AKIHIKO

So I didn’t ask if I could come over just to sit in your parlor room, nice as it is, and talk to you–

He notices the camera.

AKIHIKO

–in front of a–is that a camera?

Eleanor look at the camera.

ELEANOR

Um. Yeah.

AKIHIKO

Is it on?

ELEANOR

Yeah.

AKIHIKO

Why?

ELEANOR

Mainly so I had hard evidence that you were actually here and that I didn’t just imagine your visit.

Beat.

Akihiko bursts out laughing.

AKIHIKO

Wow. Okay.

He looks at her.

akihiko

You know, you never say what I expect. I am here and this visit is real.

ELEANOR

Yeah, I, uh, know that.

AKIHIKO

Well, if it makes you feel better, go for it.

ELEANOR

Thanks.

AKIHIKO

Anyway, I actually came to ask you if you wanted to go around town with me. There’s a nice Vietnamese place that apparently has the best nhúng dấm on the east coast.

Eleanor looks away.

ELEANOR

Oh. I…I’m not sure if I can–

AKIHIKO

Are you busy right now?

ELEANOR

No.

AKIHIKO

Do you like Vietnamese food?

ELEANOR

Yeah, I guess.

AKIHIKO

Do you like me?

ELEANOR

Yes.

He smiles.

AKIHIKO

So what’s the problem?

Eleanor glances at the door, then looks back at Akihiko.

ELEANOR

Nothing.

He stands and offers his hand to her.

AKIHIKO

Then let’s go.

Beat.

ELEANOR

Okay.

She takes his hand and stands, then heads over to the camera to turn it off.

Eleanor 26

INT. ELEANOR’S BEDROOM. AFTERNOON.

Eleanor has a black eye. A few days old.

ELEANOR

As you may have noticed, I went downstairs. And–

She gestures to her eye.

ELEANOR

Well, and…this.

I saw him, though, and he saw me. And he looks just as good in jeans and a polo shirt as in a tux.

Just saying.

But anyway, he’s…we talked for a while, under the watchful eye of my entire family, which was possibly the most surreal experience I have ever had in my entire life.

And then he left, and my step-mother flipped out and…

She shifts and flinches.

ELEANOR

I’m fairly certain at least two of my ribs are cracked. Neither of them are broken, but goddamn, it hurts. The black eye’s a bitch, too.

Pause.

ELEANOR

I don’t know if he’s coming back. On the bright side, it’s going to be really suspicious to him if I turn up dead. So hooray for that. On the downside, things have gotten a lot worse since he stopped by, so if he doesn’t come back, this is going to be hell.

And I don’t meant that in the sense that he has any obligation to come back. He is not responsible for me. I just…I’m just worried about the future. There’s no misplaced sense of love with my family that’s leading to over-controlling due to possessiveness. It’s about power and about control. And if it benefited Relia or my step-mother to throw me in the fire, I’d just be smoldering cinders in the hearth.

There is pounding on the door.

RELIA

(Yelling)

Get out here and clean up the kitchen.

ELEANOR

(Under her breath)

I already cleaned up the kitchen today.

(Louder)

I’ll be right–

The door starts to open. Eleanor shuts off the camera.

Eleanor 25

INT. ELEANOR’S BEDROOM. AFTERNOON.

ELEANOR

(A bit amazed)

So…I was absolutely and entirely wrong. It’s actually kind of amazing, how wrong I was. Because, when I said that there was no there was way that Akihiko was looking for me, I was…I was just wrong.

Want to know how I know that? Because he’s in my house. Right now. Looking, apparently, for me. Not that anybody knows it’s me. But apparently he’s been going to the houses of every girl who went to his ball looking for me. Which is just ridiculous.

Beat.

ELEANOR

(Realizing)

And actually a bit stalker-y.

Beat.

ELEANOR

(Returning to the point.)

Anyway. He’s in my house again, so I am again relegated to being Harry Potter and making no noise and pretending I don’t exist. Because…well, because I was ordered to. And even if I wasn’t, it’s self-preservation. They may not know it was me, but he would. And he says something, they’ll find out, and…well, it’ll get bad. Like–

She swallows.

ELEANOR

Like my dad bad. Hence me being Harry Potter.

Pause.

ELEANOR

But here’s the thing. I’m sick of this. I’m sick of hiding in my room like a scared little child, of pretending that I don’t exist. Because I do. I’m real. I’m here, and no matter what my step-mother or anybody else wants to pretend, I’m a real live blood-and-flesh person.

On the other hand, I’d rather not die.

Beat.

ELEANOR

So the real question is, what would Lumi tell me to do? Not because I always did what Lumi told me to do, or because I am somehow relying on my memory of her to make all of my decisions for me. But because her ideas are usually better than mine, and because she’s lived more than I have. Not just because she’s–she was–older, but because she had so much more life in her time than I did.

Do you know what I wish English had? Time-disassociated verbs. Like Chinese. You don’t need to differentiate between “is” and “was” in Chinese. The verb is the same.

But anyway. She’s…Lumi would tell me to go down there.

Eleanor laughs to herself.

ELEANOR

Well, she would tell me to go down there with one breath and tell me to be careful with the next. But there’s nothing left to be careful for. She’s gone, I’m never getting out of here, and if I’m gone, well, it won’t be that different from how I live right now.

She stands up and starts to walk to the door. She pauses, turns to look at the camera.

ELEANOR

I’ll talk to you soon.

She looks away from the camera.

ELEANOR

I hope.

She walks out of the room.

Eleanor 24

INT. ELEANOR’S BEDROOM. AFTERNOON.

ELEANOR

So, my step-mother’s pissed. Not at me, for once, so…that’s nice. But there’s still a bit of spill-over from it to me. But I can deal. The anger, though, is about Akihiko.

She laughs.

ELEANOR

So much of my life seems to be revolving around this man who I’ve only met once and who has never seen my face.

So I’ve been thinking about what Amber and Relia were saying about him looking for someone who was wearing the dress that looked like my prom dress. Which was, you know, my prom dress. Knowing them, I’m fairly certain that’s not actually what’s going on. I’m guessing he just mentioned me to someone in some offhand comment, and word got around and spread and turned into…this.

I mean, it’s ridiculous. Nobody like him would be looking for someone they had talked to for maybe an hour and danced with like three times at some party somewhere. And they especially wouldn’t be looking for someone like…well, like me.

And I know Lumi would probably tell me–

Her voice breaks.

ELEANOR

She would probably tell me to believe in myself, that I am worth looking for, but she…she’d be wrong. Especially when it comes to someone like him. I mean, he’s funny and smart and worth a ridiculous amount of money. And he’s on his way to getting an MBA, but he was considering an MD-PhD because he wants to be able to help people by doing more than just selling pills, but also by making them. And he–

Beat.

ELEANOR

Yeah, I just spent the last hour or so stalking him on the internet. I mean, some of that stuff I knew from talking to him, but…yeah. I’m going to stop doing that.

Beat.

ELEANOR

I started teaching myself how to write in Korean. Which is actually surprisingly really easy, because the thing that look like ideograms–like picture-characters–are actually letter groupings that form syllables. Which is really cool.

She holds up a piece of paper with “Hello” written in Korean on it.

ELEANOR

See? It’s “hello”. In Korean, obviously, not…you knew that. It’s pronounced, uh, “annyeonghaseyo”, though generally not with my atrocious American accent. And yes, the white girl is attempting to speak Korean and failing. Don’t worry, I’m not going to start plastering pictures of Top or Park Bom or whoever around my room. Honestly, I generally tend more towards J-Pop than K-Pop, though both are great.

Beat.

ELEANOR

Sorry, I’m rambling. I don’t really know what to talk about right now, because everyone else is out, I’ve done every imaginable chore for the day, and…it’s not like I have anyone to have come over or–

Pause. She is trying to pull herself together and is failing.

ELEANOR

She’s gone. There hasn’t been…there hasn’t been anything. She’s just…she’s gone, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. This was never the way it was supposed to go. Not like this, not with her. She was always–

Her voice breaks.

ELEANOR

She was always there. It was always me and Lumi, even before…even before I lost my dad, and it was me and Lumi, and she was always…always there, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with myself now that she’s gone. I don’t have anybody, and it all feels like a day where the sun hasn’t set yet and it isn’t ending, and I just want it to end.